Yes, you may have briefly seen me on Kitchen Nightmares!

But only very briefly! I got as much screen time as shots of the 360 Bridge and South Congress. As Austin's El Greco had already bitten the dust before the air date, I'm glad that I can take no responsibility for their failure. Though if it's credit that matters, I'll take credit for closing down the place. In short: Fuck that guy. No amount of delicious tatziki or amazing grilled octopus means you can treat family like that.

The taping process was far better than watching the show. Watching the owner unable to resist his crippling case of the Fuckits and become barely able to work as his mother and aunt shoulder massive debt and do most of the prep, all while cursing the day of his birth and calling him a lazy donkey, is brutal stuff. It's a lot more pleasant to sit around for a while and wait for the food to appear, and to watch crews with huge cameras zoom around and try to get a good shot in a tiny restaurant. And I will post a blog about my taping experience later.

Please forgive me for not live-blogging my "appearance" on FOX's Kitchen Nightmares. I cut my cable a few months ago, and while I miss wasting hours of my life, I do love saving the money.

The El Greco ep aired this past Friday. You may be able to catch the episode on Youtube or Hulu; FOX holds their eps. By total chance, I went to a neighbor's house (I just yelled, "Hey, can I come over?") and they just happened to be watching the show - so I caught it live with full rewind benefits (viva DVR). So yay, neighbors!

First off, I am very glad to see that the reasons for El Greco's demise were not filth, nor vermin, nor rotten food. It was just a lazy owner who lost his motivation, and a family willing to carry him for about $800,000 worth of debt ( accrued in under three years) before caving in and calling Kitchen Nightmares. The food at El Greco was never bad, but diners didn't want to go back often enough for the place to be profitable. There are at least twenty restaurants within walking distance of El Greco that are just as good, and half the price. And diners can sense when someone has a case of the Fuckits. Chef: Own it. Take responsibility.

The funniest part was the chef that had no lines: Chef Mic. El Greco's poor line cooks seemed more demoralized than most, as most of their work was reheating food, not cooking it. In a microwave. Using plastic wrap over the dishes, which clung hotly on after "cooking" and wasn't removed til just before serving. Which is disgusting. This produced the flattest, most smashed piece of moussaka I've ever seen. Tragic. My lip curled at hearing Chef Jake defend his practice of using the microwave and saying it has no effect on the food. When he asked "What's not fresh about food made 24 hours ago?", I wished I knew the Greek word for donkey. Gordon pitching the microwave out of the parking garage was perfect - and hilarious.

El Greco came out swinging against KN online via food blogs almost as soon as taping stopped. Nasty, open-ended questions were posed all over the internet, including, "Did Gordon Ramsay ruin El Greco?" Gordon did not. El Greco was too far gone for him to do anything about it but smash some plates, shake hands, and walk away.

The abundance of post-taping vitriol makes El Greco's total radio silence from mid-December on even weirder. Since the show aired last week, comment's on El Greco's Facebook page range from forlorn customers asking if the place is still open (it isn't), to a user proudly saying a line cook once at El Greco is now doing well as a chef at his place (not sure where). Even the Statesman hasn't placed El Greco in their openings and closings file, probably because no one can get anyone from El Greco on the phone!

To sum up: The taping was fun. I was glad to meet Gordon Ramsay. But I don't think I ever want to be present for a taping of Kitchen Nightmares again!

PHOTO CREDIT: KITCHEN NIGHTMARES: Chef Gordon Ramsay (L) travels to Austin, TX, to help the owners and staff of El Greco Grill in an all-new episode of KITCHEN NIGHTMARES airing Friday, Jan. 13 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2011 Fox Broadcasting Co. CR: Bill Matlock/FOX